How to be happy as a couple: The 5 habits of happy couples
General Discussion,

Maybe you wonder how you can be happier with your partner.  Achieving happiness as a couple is not trivial, since well-married couples and couples achieve a higher level of personal satisfaction. Furthermore, building a happy couple not only has positive consequences on our mental health but also on our physical health.

Did you know that married people have a longer life expectancy? A study conducted at Duke University revealed that stable couples are 50% less likely to die prematurely, which is due to the fact that a couple of relationships represent a source of support in the most difficult moments, keeping away the loneliness and, of course, generates a lot of satisfaction.

However, the secret is not to find the "perfect person", but lies in learning to be happy as a couple, learning to enjoy the company of the other. When the relationship turns into prison or ceases to be satisfactory, it causes psychological and physical damage to both members.

What do happy couples do?

There is no magic formula to be happy as a couple but there are some keys that can improve your relationship. In fact, numerous studies have revealed that happy couples follow a common pattern that allows them to relate more satisfactorily and nurture the flame of passion.

• They cultivate common interests. Over the years, people change and their interests also, so there is a risk of becoming two strangers living together under the same roof. However, happy couples cultivate common interests and spend quality time with them.
• Eat Meals Together- Depending on your work schedules, it may not be possible to eat every meal together, but experts recommend making an effort to sit down for breakfast, lunch, or supper with your spouse whenever possible. "Breaking bread at the end of the day allows for couples to sink into the sacred container of their relationship and reconnect after a long day away from one another," Skyler said. "Sharing a meal means sharing the pleasure of food, and hopefully meaningful conversation for emotional connection."
• They keep the details alive. If something distinguishes happy couples, it is their intention to keep alive the details that usually exist at the beginning of the relationship, such as walking hand in hand, hugging each other after returning from work, keeping in touch throughout the day, or saying "I love you " often. These little details feed intimacy and complicity.
• They focus on the positives. With coexistence, it is normal for friction to appear and, when knowing the other deeply, we also discover their "defects". However, happy couples know how to focus on the positive aspects, they stay focused on the reasons why they are together, and they do not highlight the differences. This attitude allows them to value and support the other.

What don't happy couples do?

People have a tendency to repeat the relationship patterns that they have learned during childhood or that they have maintained in previous relationships. It is an unconscious process but one that can sabotage the relationship.

• They feed mistrust. A happy relationship is based on mutual trust, if one of the members mistrusts the other, jealousy will soon appear and the relationship will suffer. Jealousy not only makes the person see ghosts where there are none but also generates a climate of mistrust that is oppressive and harmful to both.
• They blame the other. In a couple, any problem is always a matter of two. Not assuming the share of responsibility implies dropping all the weight on the other and indicates that we are not willing to invest in the relationship. Also, constant criticism only serves to devalue the other person. It is estimated that in a happy couple there should be five positive messages for each criticism made.
• They make a storm in a glass of water. Happy couples know what fighting is worth, unhappy couples turn the slightest conflict into drama, leading them to often engage in inconsequential discussions. These daily disagreements end up undermining the relationship and making each member wonder if the other is really their better half.

Five keys to be happy as a couple

If you want to be happy as a couple, incorporate these five habits:

1. Talk about the problems. Every relationship, even the most stable, faces conflicts that can lead to a couple of crises. However, problems can be an opportunity to strengthen the couple and strengthen emotional ties or, on the contrary, they can ruin the relationship. The key lies in talking about the difficulties assuming a conciliatory attitude and without making false presuppositions. Remember that hiding problems do not eliminate them; on the contrary, it increases them.
2. Consider the other. In couple relationships, power struggles are often established to determine who makes the decisions. However, when a person is permanently displaced and their opinion is not taken into account, not only will they begin to feel frustrated and lonely, but the relevance of the relationship will be questioned. In a couple, important decisions must be made by mutual agreement, respecting each other's opinions.
3. Spend quality time together. The dizziness of everyday life sometimes does not leave us much free time, so when we return home; we are so tired that we have no energy left to dedicate to the couple. However, for a relationship to work, it is necessary that both spend quality time together, that they make a space in their agenda to share interests and passions that lead to unique moments.
4. Commit to the relationship. One of the biggest secrets to being happy as a couple is to emotionally invest in the relationship. Starting a relationship with fear of commitment and holding reservations is like condemning it to failure. Conversely, if you both open emotionally and strive to overcome obstacles, the relationship will grow. Although the idea that love can cope with everything has settled in the popular imagination, in reality, a happy couple also needs a good dose of commitment and sacrifice.
5. Be tolerant. Tolerance is one of the main ingredients of every happy couple. These people know which battles they must fight and which are inconsequential. Being tolerant also implies accepting the other, not in spite of her defects but precisely because of her “defects”. Being tolerant knows how to forgive and turn the page without resentment.

I love my partner but I'm not happy ...

Many people declare to love their partner, but not to be happy, and that is that love is not enough for a relationship to be fully satisfactory. How to be as happy as a couple? Is it something that can be learned? If I am not happy with my partner, does that mean I should break up?

Actually, it is possible to eliminate those habits that affect the relationship and learn much more positive ways of relating. All couples go through difficult periods so the best solution is not to throw in the towel but to analyze what is happening. Often when we rush to break up, we don't take our share of responsibility and end up dragging those bad habits into the next relationship, causing it to fail too.

So if you are not happy with your partner, talk about it, do not miss it. Don't blame the other and don't expect them to change if you are not willing to change yourself. In some cases, it is advisable to go to couples therapy because a psychologist will be able to see those difficulties that you cannot appreciate because you are too involved in the relationship, give you guidelines that will help you to relate in a healthier way, and work with emotions. That is blocking you and negatively affecting your relationship. In fact, did you know that a study by psychologists from Harvard University has shown that people totally unrelated to the couple can predict with 81% success if they will divorce within the next five years?

If you are going through a relationship crisis and feel that it is worth fighting for, Maula Vai, the owner of Bandhan Media offers professional help. Whether through individual therapy or couples therapy, we can do a lot to improve the relationship and regain satisfaction in the couple.