An interview with Maula Vai of Bandhan Media
General Discussion,

In recent years, residents of big cities like Dhaka are increasingly turning for help in finding a life partner to the marriage media - Internet sites, dating services, matchmakers. We find out that modern men and women are looking for, why it is easier for pensioners to meet their love than for young people, and what kind of natural matchmaker should be, we found out from Maula Vai’s famous Bandhan Media.

Maula Vai, how did it happen that you became a professional matchmaker?

I started my journey in Comilla town before the liberation, where I worked for a long time. Its 50 years back. I liked helping people, “pandering,” as they say. I began by acquainting lonely friends and acquaintances. It turned out that I immediately saw which pairs fit together. The desire to continue doing what I loved was what led me to the marriage industry. For me, great happiness to help single people find their happiness.

What kind of meeting through a marriage agency or marriage media ends in a long relationship or marriage?

How often do failures happen when a person fails to find a mate at all? About 15% of people never find their soul mate. Most often, this happens due to overstated human requirements for a future partner. I try to work with people, convince them to moderate requests, look at things objectively, but this does not always work. It happens, however, that people leave and return after a few months or years have already changed, wiser, and more flexible.

What are they, modern grooms and brides? What has changed in marriage trends over the 50 years of your work?

If we talk about the age range, then it, of course, is different. The database has profiles of young people from the age of 21, older grooms and brides who have not lost faith in love. The mainstream of customers is guardians with aged girls in their home. The most popular age of our clients is 25–35 years. Women also became more emancipated, independent. If ten years ago a man was looking for a younger wife, age, not more than 22, but the situation has changed. Men who turn to our agency are looking for extremely serious relationships. We can say that over the past five to ten years, marriages have “grown old”. Now young people are in a hurry to make a career, travel a lot, and they begin to think about their family just after 35 years. But overall, in recent years, the number of male profiles has increased. Some grooms are tired of searching through social networks, where girls try to get a jackpot. Divorced men who already know how good it is to have a quiet family haven are also often approached. They are just looking for women to match themselves.

When meeting people on the Internet, people often run into scammers or perverts. How do you filter out such candidates?

I personally talk with each candidate, I immediately find out scammers and gigolos. Naturally, I call them over the phone and try to talk as much as I can to identify him/her. But it is very rare to refuse services: as a rule, people who go to a marriage agency and who pay money come to us with serious intentions. Swindlers often hunt in virtual reality, so finding your husband on the Internet is becoming increasingly difficult.

What kind of men do modern women dream of? And, conversely, whom do men want to find?

Young attractive girls are looking for wealthy men. They set the framework - income, for example, from 3 lakhs monthly, no less. This is why they always look for the U.S, Canadian or Australian citizens. But most guardians want a groom having a government job or a suitable job with at least a flat in Dhaka City. More mature ladies are already oriented towards a commonality of interests, and prosperity comes as a pleasant bonus. An ideal option is a man with a core, kind, and responsible. And now, of course, the problems begin, because in recent years there have been less and less truly strong men who are ready to take responsibility. Girls are literally taken apart by “puppies” of such people, and then you can get to know them only in case of divorce when they are about 40–45 years old.

The requirements of men are also logical. They want to see a beautiful, smart, interesting companion next to them. Of course, the first thing a potential groom looks at is a photo. The first impression is that you can’t get anywhere. But after the first meeting, the similarity of characters, spirituality, so to speak, are already noticeable. And appearance gradually fades into the background. As for wealthy men, they are increasingly less likely to look for models or film actresses. They need smart little girls, home, loving children. Very often, by the way, wealthy clients ask not to advertise their status to the candidates, they are tired that everyone around is interested in their wallet. At the same time, they are ready to fully support and even help her close relatives, but first, she must choose them for other qualities, with her heart.

In general, a woman who is ready to start a family, easy-going and kind, will certainly find her narrowed. The rest is the details. And any woman has a chance to meet a suitable partner; we do not refuse to help anyone. True, sometimes this happens quickly, and sometimes it takes years. Just after 35 years, the bar should decline, because free good men remain at this ageless and less. That is, the fewer requirements a woman makes to a potential life partner, the greater the chance of finding him. Although, many modern women after 35 look even better than young women.

In general, do grooms and brides often show clearly exaggerated demands on their halves? What do they consist of?

Excessive requirements are met, because of them; the search for a life partner is delayed in many ways. For women, this is a request for a well-off man, preferably without children, alimony, and loans. Imagine, such beauty will write 50 points that a man should. Such a casting, few will pass. Sometimes they call and demand the oligarch. It's funny. We have, of course, wealthy members, but, alas, Ahmed did not leave a questionnaire. Well, men are not far behind. They ask, for example, a photo in a modern dress. The main thing is appearance and figure, and also to make good money without children.

There was generally a case when “while unemployed” wanted to find a minimum for the daughter of an oligarch. In general, people in our time are very fragmented, and often without the help of the same matchmaker, they simply cannot build relationships even with familiar people. Once a lady of old age turned to me. We placed her profile and found even an NRB. It seems like a fairy tale about Cinderella, but it turned out that they were familiar with the “member"! How can you not believe in fate? Now the "newlyweds" live happily in America. Once again, a man and a woman came to me, whom they had already tried to acquaint at another agency, but they did not like each other. After talking with each of them, I realized that they are just a great couple in all respects. I had to persuade them for a long time to go on a sitting again, they went there, it seems, only out of respect for me. But it worked, now they are together and happy. In general, over twenty years, a lot of interesting things happened. There were cases when a potential groom described the desired image of a client, and I understood that we have a woman who fits one hundred percent into his ideal.

What are the difficulties you are facing as a matchmaker?

The matchmaking business is very difficult. It is important not only to introduce people, but also to help them build relationships, and this does not always happen easily and simply. Very often, when our customers already begin to live together, women or guardians come to us to complain about a partner. For example, they complain that a man is not well-groomed, does not take care of himself, does not dress well, I explain to them that it is their concern now to monitor the appearance of a loved one. Still very often people come with complaints about the mother-in-law, there are times when I have to act as a conciliator in violent quarrels. Once I introduced two clients: he is 43, she is 37 years old, it seems that everything went wrong with them, we went together to rest. After a while, the woman called first with the words: this is such a nerd! And then a man showed up and also cursed at what the light was on his girlfriend: this is such a hysteric, don’t introduce her to anyone, take pity on the men! Well, what can you do? I began to look for each of them a new pair. But somehow neither one nor the other did not add up. At the same time, I really understood that these women and men are very suitable for each other. I began to persuade them to try again, and it worked, now their child is already three years old. In some cases, however, the matter goes to the court and they often make me witness.

Do retired people turn to you for help? Is it harder for them to find a mate than young?

Yes, aged people come often enough, among the elderly the most lonely, useless people. Children and grandchildren grow up, they have their own lives, and there is practically no time for communication with parents. Some grandparents, tired of loneliness, come to us, although it is very difficult for them, they are ashamed at this age to seek a partner, and even through a matchmaker. Once a woman of 76 years old came to our agency, very smart and intelligent. This woman buried her husband and daughter, we talked to her for an hour and a half, probably both cried, her life was so hard. Very soon, we arrange her a meeting with one wonderful grandfather. After the meeting, the woman immediately said that if the gentleman chose her, then she should do nothing better. Now the "young" have come together and lived together. They just shine with happiness and all the time they say: if only God would give him to live longer now. In general, finding a couple for people of age, of course, is easier than young ones, they do not have such excessive requirements, they are most often not interested in the material side of the issue.

Does it ever happen that parents of adult single children come to you for help?

Yes, often enough, both mothers and even grandmothers come for advice on how to persuade children or grandchildren to seek help. Relatives of unmarried girls are especially worried after 28-30 years: after all, they may not have time to have children. In fact, in big cities such as Dhaka, meeting someone is a whole problem. If you have not found a mate in college or among friends, it is difficult to find a partner.

What qualities should a good matchmaker have?

Intuition is the main weapon of a good matchmaker. The ability to understand people well, to notice subtleties, to build a logical chain, to see suitable pairs, like pieces of a puzzle. During the interview, I look into the soul. Having appreciated the client’s inner world, it’s much easier to choose a person with similar views and temperament. And it is also very important to truly sincerely love the people around you feel this and begin to trust you. Our clients often interested in your marital status? Is it important for people that the matchmaker is married?

How does your wife feel about your work?

Customers are all interested. And this is normal. It would be strange to go to a doctor who does not know how to treat. I am married, and my wife fully supports me in all my endeavors. And the confirmation of our happy family is two children. My elder daughter is already getting married. I live in a happy family.